August 8, 2024
Weigh 155.6lbs. Cinched to 31.0" at 8:45. I got the radioactive shoulder again last night when I disagreed about Daugher going to bed. Wife wanted her to make a bunch of revisions to her CAP presentation. I keyed on a comment Wife made about Daughter watching Monsters University, and she lifted off to me blaming her for every problem in the house. I thought we had a no TV on school nights rule, but I was out mountain biking, which I guess was selfish and I should have skipped.
I should probably quit some of my adult Scouting activities. Those people are really inspiring, but another thing that takes away from family time, and I don’t have any kids in it. Quitting might also make her mad, though. She told me a lot, years ago, that she would go nuts if I was home all the time. It hurt my feelings each time, but she doesn’t say mhch to me anymore about anything. So when I got the radioactive shoulder last night, I wrote some thoughts down and put it in her face. She read them and tossed them back at me, then hid in the bathroom, came back out, turned off the light, and played on her phone with her back to me. No rebuttal at all. I guess I wrote the wrong words. She’s good at giving me the impression that I did something wrong, but whebn I think of her body shyness, I hae to reserve some consideration that maybe she needs help I don’t know how to provide.
I scout in my troop shows up to every meeting grumpy, and in a way where he wants to make sure everyone knows from a far-off glance. His brother often stands oor sits within arm’s reach and is smiling. They’re getting the same experience and exposure with two completely different attitudes about how to consume and intepret it. Look for the negative or the positive. When the doctor told me to get tested for ALS, I moped around for a bit but then hiked a bunch of the Appalachian Trail, and did the Panama Canal cruise, and painted my toes and went in public with them because ther’es so much to experience. Hell, I tried a skirt in public and liked it. It made other people, like Wife uncomfortable, which made me sad. Now she’s perfecting this disapproval silent treatment, and there’s just too many things to do in the world, than to spend the day at home scrolling Facebok.
Reader - these thoughts are not well-formed and I still think its unlikely for a spectator of these words to make sense of my point. I want use to be adventurous, not just in the outdoors, but in a wide variety of life experience. I feel like Wife has her feet planted and that the things I’m going to do without her just make her more resentful? More rooted in staying the same? These words are inadequate. I still haven’t found my point to make and develop.
Like just as a data point, I got the skirts as a life experience, but I think Wife takes it that I want to be a girl. I liked it and want to use them more, but she makes it so unpleasant with her looks that it steals my enjoyment. Its not really a full scowl, now now I’m not dying imminently, so I need to get along. I can not do some of the things that I found are fun, but I can’t talk about these subjects, either, to clarify what her mindset is.
Removed @ 12:15.